As many of you know, I took some much-needed time off work to concentrate on this
renovation, and i'm so glad I did .. everything went out the window, and I was constantly
being called to be there, look at that, move things carefully stored to other places
more haphazardly stacked.
It's only now i'm starting to feel a little more ín control'. My mind has been so absent
these past 6months .. other mothers knowing my propensity to the blurrr and the vague
would carefully remind me about the kiddy-party or not to forget some school function.
I stopped using my diary, then I misplaced it and didn't care to find it.
I relished in the freedom of anarchy.
I lived one day at a time. If you asked me to meet you tomorrow at 3pm or today at 5pm,
I could do that. If you wanted me to attend something that required a month's notice,
I didn't commit and resented the imposition .. even if it was something I wanted to do.
"Ask me closer to the date" i'd say .. or remind me .. send me an email.
Being non-committed made me free, and thus, when a teacher was desperate for parents
on a community walk at last moment, I could do that.
When someone suggested we should have a playdate tomorrow, I said yes.
No planning, no thinking, just a "sure, why not!"
because I didn't have to consult a diary, or be tied to something else.
Because i'd committed to nothing, I had no plans, I had no diary.
And amazingly, my schedule was very full, and with a little help of my ever-mindful friends,
we managed to get to all the birthday parties, although to a couple we were late, and to one
of them I may have just jumped out of bed and dressed sans shower and bolted out the door.
At times I doubted my sanity and googled 'early onset dementia' more than once.
But now i'm home .. and i'm surprised it's been a month back already! ..
i'm starting to feel a calm descend. Things are going back into their place, and I can find
them once more. Being the sort of person that puts things back where they belong
( and there are now organised spaces for those things ) , I find i'm not losing my keys,
or that important paperwork and GOING CRAZY.
It's kind of a relief to find "it wasn't me" and it was just the general unsettling of living
between two homes where someone was always moving the goalposts.
In all this unpacking and sorting and putting things away .. I was delighted
to find myself actually opening a folder of images last night and actually wanting
to look at them!! Because, just between you & me ( and everybody that knows me ),
photography was making me sick and not bringing me any joy.
So, I bring you: Amsterdam
I put the photos on my other blog, to be honest, because that's where all the other ones are.
I hope you enjoy them! x