Saturday, June 15, 2013

    Smells like Teen Spirit

    Time Out from sorting the garage.  A lot of books going to the local Oppie.
    If anyone wants to know What to Expect when Expecting, let me know.

    Found my diary from 1983, according to the 'prologue' at the start I am slightly
    overweight with shoulder-length brown hair and "pretty popular". 
    I like reading, collecting swap cards and autographs, photography and 'all music'. 
    I am in Year 8 in High School.

    My handwriting is appalling, and I seem to like to use a different coloured ballpoint
    for every day, including red.  Ugh.

    I open randomly to April 20th.  A Wednesday.

    Last night.  I will call last night April 19th, 1983 The Night of Deaths.

    Last night before falling asleep all people and animals I had grown to know like
    relatives that have died on me, died again before my eyes.  My tears ran feely for them. 
    A prediction - it could be the date of my own death in the future. 
    All the people who had known me - not me as I portray myself.  Not as I seem to be in life. 
    The person behind the smile.  The person behind the face.  The real me.  All dead. 
    All dying.  Last night.  The Night of Deaths.
    Today was sport, I had bushwalking.  I loved every minute of it - FANTASTIC


    Ok - wow, more ...

    April 16th - Saturday

    I WILL NOT DIE A NOBODY.  This is not a 13yr old's dream.  This is a promise. 
    I will be remembered after death.  I have foreseen.  But another one of my predictions
    is that I will die young.  It will not be a health death.  It will be ( i'm not sure )
    either accidental or purposeful.  This is not a fear of death, this is a prediction. 
    I will either die by my own means.  I have dreamed hanging myself ( purposeful )
    or in a car accident ( accidental ).  I think I will die at an early age ( 25-35 ) and not
    live my full life.  So this means I must gain greatness at an early age.  Goodbye Diary

    Most of the other skimmed entries deal with trying cigarettes and school gossip,
    taping songs off the radio, and the rehearsals for the school play ( "Grease")

    Freaking hell though .. talk about intense?!  Pretty sure that hanging thing was a
    random one-off ??  I wasn't emo or anything ( black has never been my colour ) ..
    and a later entry about a shopping trip to Melbourne where I spent my birthday money
    shows me buying a cream beret and leg warmers ( hot! ) and a lot of pink stuff. 

    More Molly Ringwald than Elvira.

    What a freak.

    I'm pretty sure I used to write stuff like that IN CASE stuff  did come true, and then
    people would find my diary and think
    "Wow, she was so deep and amazing, I wish i'd revered her more

    Pretty sure this was also the year I read The Diary of Anne Frank, and also Go Ask Alice.

    I do have pretty intense dreams though.  Even now.

    I'm just thankful Nirvana wasn't around for me to be obsessed with as yet. 
    Can you imagine? 

    ( Love you Kurt x )


    Heidi said...

    Sorry, I'm just DYING laughing at your diary. I think mine from that age is eerily similar. Except that I had very particular music tastes. I was just about to type a response that it was very similar to Go Ask Alice, and there was your comment that you must've read it at that age. Teenagers are so dark, and full of angst. Apparently my parents were called into a parent teacher interview once because I'd repeatedly written poems themed around "people I love dying", and the teacher had become concerned for my emotional well being. In actual fact, I didn't know anyone who had died at that point, so it was really an indication of an overactive imagination. I even won a state poetry award for one of my masterpieces. They must've felt really sorry for the 12 year old with the sad death in the family expressing herself through words....

    little miss olive said...

    oh dear...classic!

    i must say that i found a particular diary from sometime in high school and it was SO bad that i shuddered from intense embarrassment/digsust that i burnt it. i couldn't couldn't couldn't bear to look it at (or have anyone else find it for that matter)...

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