Wednesday, March 20, 2013

    Before You Think I Don't Like You..

    It's not you .. it's me..

    For as long as i've been alive, i've preferred my own company, my own bubble.
    I like silence and reflectfulness and pottering, daydreaming. 
    I love my house, wherever that may be, in whatever condition, and enjoy playing
    in that small space - watching dust motes in a sunbeam, cuddling a cat, or weeding the garden.

    Unless it's 6.30pm+, the television will not be on, nor a radio. 
    The computer is never off, but I do not have sound/speakers.  The click clack of the keystrokes
    is soothing and noise enough.  I like birdsong and random noises from elsewhere but
    apparently I "suffer" from a genetic problem called "auditory processing disorder" ..
    which only became apparent during the years of Speech Therapy for my firstborn and
    when one particularly interested lady started ticking off the symptoms I was like
    "Oh God - she's describing ME!". 

    It was mind blowing, because I never even thought there was anything different about me
    ( except, oh hello, the fact i've never ever felt normal or "like everybody else" - ha ha )

    And apparently it's genetic, so i'm the carrier. 
    Of a gene that makes noise and crowds and lots of people talking at me and asking
    me questions unbearable.  A lot of misdiagnosed ADHD kids have this.

    So the therapist said I did fine in school because I learned the old way. 
    That is, I sat stock still in my chair facing the teacher and the blackboard, and then I did
    my work in my book.  There was no round circles, no collaborations, no group activities. 
    In fact, when we got around to a bit of that in high school and Uni, or that time when I went to
    Leadership Camp ( note: not a leader, don't follow me ), I *could*not*stand*it* .. 
    I find it hard to concentrate, am easily distracted and twitchy and wish I was anywhere else. 

    And then I usually don't complete the assignment ( unless I can smash it later on my own ).

    So yeah, interesting.

    Over the years i've built walls to solve a problem I never even knew I had - the fact I pretty much
    refuse to use a phone, for example, and like everything in writing is so I can *process* information. 
    I can't THINK when you talk to me .. and I certainly can't give you an answer óff the bat' ..
    I need to think about it, read it, process it.  People bombarding me with aural information
    either freak me out, or make me tune out and start doodling or daydreaming.

    But i'm sure it's not the be-all and end-all of who I am and why i'm unlikely to accept
    your social invitation ( or accept, and pike out ) .. I can't explain that.
    It's not because I don't like YOU specifically, it's more probably the thing you're inviting
    me to, or the fact i'd rather be in my jammies.


    So, just to be clear:

    - Let's do Coffee!
    I don't really like the cafe experience - it's a time sapper, and I don't like sweet things
    like cakes and biscuits that GO with coffee, plus, despite loving coffee, I can only really
    have one a day and it has to be before 11am or the day is a jittery write-off
    ( see me, smelling the after-dinner coffees everyone orders and thinking YUM but sadly, being unable to imbibe.  If I eat after 7pm, i'm up until 2am digesting anyhoo, so pop a coffee into that
    mix and uh, yeah.  Night of the Living Dead

    I like the idea of cafes though, they always look so nice and smell good.

    - Let's Catch a Movie!
    Sitting still in the dark when it's probably sunny outside.  Weird.  Having to pay attention.
    Exceptions: Gold Glass with wine and yummy hot savouries!

    - When a 'few of us' turns into évery man and his dog'

    - When there's too few of you ( ie: one on one )
    Tense.  Unless I know you really well, I hate having to grasp out for small talk. 
    Bring a friend so we can bounce it around.

    - The Shopping Centre
    too many people, big carparks, easy to get lost, I don't do them, they make me hyperventilate

    - The City
    Parallel parking, paying for parking, being raped at the parking station,
    dodgy carparks, getting lost

    - The Popular Place
    too many people, bad parking, getting lost, realising i'm no hipster

    - Something over the Other Side of Town
    Have fun!  Send me a postcard!


    What i'm up for:

    - Trips to IKEA. 
    The cafe is cheap and I can pick up some horseballs for dinner on the way out. 
    Good for a playdate meetup

    - That pub with the playcentre and the parmigianas
    I am often 'with child' and it's easier to relax and talk to peeps my own age when
    he's having fun nearby and not whining about leaving or being bored. 
    Ok, so it's not gourmand, but they probably have something with pumpkin and
    feta and pinenuts if you're feeling adventurous.

    - That place that serves wine
    Enough said.

    - Lunch
    Not too early, not too late.  Can drink wine, don't have to organise a sitter.

    - Something at your house
    I love other people's houses, seeing their stuff, admiring their things, asking questions.
    Other people's houses are probably one of my most favourite things. 
    ( plus, it's usually easy to get a park out front )

    - Something at my house
    Same as above, but don't drop in, wait for the invite because unless you're coming,
    the place is probably filthy.

    - Anything from the 'NO' list, but with my husband
    I can do anything or go anywhere if he is with me.  He can park cars and navigate
    shopping centres and he never gets stressed or anxious, and he always holds my hand. 

    Plus, he normally pays, and he has more money than I do ;)

    *Random iphone pics from the holidays proving i'm not a total hermit ;)


    Anonymous said...

    Yep, yep. Except I prefer outings without my husband. Him paying is nice but I suspect he is similar to you in that he gets stressed around loud or crowded places. I don't get stressed I'm just anti-social. I'm like, "Yeah, we could hang out or...just send facie messages. Whateves."

    shannon said...

    lola has auditory processing disorder. pretty sure she got that from me! my attention span is just getting worse and worse and i jump from one thing to the next all day - be it making a cup of tea whilst doing 50 other things. oh well, thats life.

    Adventures of a Crazy Mumma said...

    Iike always I'm always a little scared of how easily I relate ;-)

    Pam said...

    So, say theres a cross over. For example, something at my house and something over the other side of town, where would that go? The yay or nay box? Hyperthetically speaking of course.

    Admin said...

    that's when the lines are blurred and usually results in much angst on my behalf as I try to balance not pissing people off with keeping me happy ;)

    phoeberae said...

    Scary to read... I like to think I'm a social butterfly but in reality, I rarely go out and would rather cuddle my kids on the couch watching an old Disney flick. Hate shopping centres and supermarkets. Too many colours and bright lights. Driving and parking aren't a strong point, should see the dents on our cars!

    K-L said...

    Gotta love your honesty. Hopefully with this will come some understanding and comprimise for you. Somehow, I don't think you are all that alone in your symptoms...
    x KL

    Pam Bradford said...

    I'll just come to you then. Anyways you have more lego.