Chirp!:

    Wednesday, December 12, 2007

    It's Britney, Bitch

    Went on a hospital tour tonight.

    I guess most people don't leave it so long as I was the only one with a bump, and it seemed the midwife addressed me more than any of the others. Even at the end, when she asked if anyone had any questions, she asked me.

    Afterwards, we went to Dan Murphy's ( as you do after a visit to a maternity ward ) to stock up on all the groggers we'll need for the upcoming par-tay.

    So we've got our wine, our beer, some champers, a few Breezers and we're heading out when we realised we should also get a couple of Jim Beam & Cokes, just in case.
    I go back for the bourbon alone, while the boys head to the checkout.

    So i'm walking back, with a bump and a 6pk of Beam, and I notice a couple at a checkout.
    Well actually, what I notice is the she nudging the he, whispering, gesturing, and then he looks up at me too, and they both have a giggle.

    Man, if only I was wearing my baseball cap and popping gum.
    I am white trash.

    Just call me Britney ( and get child services on the line, STAT ! )

    21 comments:

    Holly & Scolly said...

    Hey Britney, the landscaping looks awesome. Nice kitty too. Would love a look-see at the whole house if you want to email me.

    Louise said...

    That is hilarious!!

    Muzbot said...

    As a lad who grew up in Ipswich, I can so picture what you just described. Too funny. :)

    tommie said...

    that is hilarious! I would have been tempted to say something like 'it's for the after party'!

    I recently purchased a cart load of beer and wine for Husband's welcome home party....people kept asking to come to my house!

    Heather said...

    The few times that I've gone to the liquor store visibly pregnant I felt weird too. I can only imagine what they thought.

    jorth said...

    Oh gosh darn it, I KNEW I should have made friends with the freaky glass man. That way I could have asked him to lend you his hat!

    Aunty Evil said...

    So...

    let me get this straight.

    You throw your son out on railway tracks.

    You swear at tradesman.

    You drink JB from the can whilst pregnant.

    You live in my neighbourhood, right?

    Fairlie said...

    Very funny! The real question though is: were you wearing underwear?

    No...no...don't answer that.

    Melody said...

    Aunty Evil's comment made me laugh outloud!

    Now, if I was living in Melbourne it could've been me in line giving Lyndon 'the eye' to look at you. Obviously it wasn't me.

    I hope you said something to the couple like "I love 'em, Jimmy B's"...

    M said...

    So funny. It's every very pregnant woman's duty to line up at the local bottle-o with a CASE of Jim Beam and Coke, a few Breezers, a pack of ciggies tucked under the sleeve of your t-shirt and a partially dressed toddler by your side. Go Britney. :-)

    Janet said...

    I just luv goin' to liquor land with small child in tow, especially when she's talking about daddy's beer and touching things and I'm yelling at her. And then sitting on the bench outside and looking at the letters in the sign...

    kate said...

    My local bottle shop Know My Name.

    And make jokes about putting a slab in the bottom of the pram. Or if that doesn't work, putting the baby in the shopping carrier and the beer in the baby section.

    Stomper Girl said...

    At least you weren't smoking.

    I loved the article about your house, by the way. Proves you really are class, and not bourbon-swilling trailer-trash :-)

    KikiMiss said...

    OMG..you had me laughing and snorting through your post title before I'd even launced further.

    I had to do that last Christmas, walk into the 'grog shop' and I felt really awful. In fact, I recall having to explain why I was there and made an even bigger fool of myself in doing so.

    KikiMiss said...

    Aaaah..that word above would be "launched" not "launced".

    bluemountainsmary said...

    Er.

    Yo.

    I think.

    Stacey (Sheeps Clothing) said...

    Have you driven the car with your son on your lap?

    PS:I loved the pram I had when the boys were little as you could fit a case of stubbies in the tray underneath.

    muser said...

    it's a pity you didn't have Holden stroller with you. :)

    dancingmorganmouse said...

    Just don't shave your head!

    h&b said...

    holly & scolly - your email isn't listed on your blog !

    I'm so glad i'm not the only one that stows beer under the pram though....

    ;)

    peppermintpatcher said...

    Don't you spell it Bryttnee? It's much classier like that.

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