Friday, August 18, 2006

    Opinions Appreciated


    Tonight we planned a dinner. My mum is here ( unbombed, yayy ! ) and we arranged to meet up with my sister and her husband for dinner, and then she would go home with them for the weekend.

    Can I just say this is our first ever dinner out together 'alone' since our son's birth over 2yrs ago, and would be our 2nd usage of the Babysitting Club I have joined. So I am but a babe in the woods, really.

    But anyway.

    A lady I know ( from the park, a dinner and the previous sit ) offered her services and I accepted. Another lady offered, and I said 'thanks, but the first lady is doing it'.

    Tonight, at 5.55pm, a male confirmed he'd be here at 6.30pm.
    I emailled back saying " Hi, but I thought Ms X. was sitting " ?

    I try to phone Ms X but her mobile details on the Babysitting Excel sheet are incorrect.
    Ms X calls me thankfully, as her partner has emailled her with my query.

    She is a bit upset that I have a problem with her partner sitting. She is also sitting someone else's kids tomorrow night and says she is a bit 'tired'. She will do it if I insist. I explain to her my reservations and concerns, as unfounded as they may be.

    I hang up the phone and am quite upset. I do not know ANY of the partners/husbands, and was under the impression that if you were to offer the services of one, you were suppose to email with "Hey, i'm unavailable, but my husband Johnno can do it if you like, and he's great with kids!" If I were to offer mine own husbands' services, this is exactly what I would say ( and as my sister said later, it's not just a husband-thing, what if she'd sent over her 15yr old teen as a substitute ?' )

    So I called Lady B to see if she was still available, but she'd made other plans. Thankfully, she was horrified i'd been left in the lurch, and when I tried to explain myself, she said strongly:
    ' NO, you don't have to explain yourself. It is club rules to state exactly who will be sitting. A lot of the women do not like husbands/partners sitting'. She made me feel better anyway.

    So, in the end, what we did was call AB's parents, who live a few suburbs away, who were just about to order Chinese food, but they were available. A. had to drive and pick them up, while I made them a quick tortellini and stir-through sauce for dinner ( lucky i'd showered and did the hair/face at 3pm when Cal took a nap ! ). We ended up getting to the restaurant 30mins late.

    Anyway, I am thinking of emailling my concerns and general feeling of being upset/let down to the lady that invited me into this group, who seems to be connected to all the women in some way, a senior member and a nice person.

    Am I going to be seen as the man-hating nut ? ( i'm not ! )
    I feel bad as this guy was probably the BEST sitter, but y'know, I didn't have time to get used to the idea, she wasn't upfront with the sitter being her partner, I don't know him. So many things I don't want to type here.



    Wordnerd said...

    You are absolutely correct in your concerns. E-mail your friend immediately, and see to it that every member knows that it is a requirement that the sitter notify the caller if someone else will be sitting.

    Glad you had a backup plan -- I wouldn't count on these folks till they straighten out the rules.

    Here from Michele's!

    salcam said...

    You did right; a last minute intro isn't a good thing when it comes to babysitters. You need to KNOW the person you are entrusting your child to.

    Gah, you have nothing to fret about. And I would definitely send an email; if you don't want to be confrontational you can phrase it as a general question and "see how everyone feels" type thing.

    Tia said...

    You have every right to be upset. Who in their right mind would allow their child with someone who is a total stranger and outside of the initial, and understood, agreement? That's crazy. I'd be fuming mad! In fact, I am - for you!

    Hi, Michele sent me!

    Damselfly said...

    Wow, hmm. I never imagined this scenario coming up. But you're the parent and should be comfortable with whomever watches your child. Even if the man is the sitter's husband, you don't know him. So you shouldn't feel bad about it.

    In other opinions ....

    I remember your post about headbands. Well, the current fashion magazine that gets mailed to me (the only one I get, called Shop Etc.) says headbands are in! Scarves, wide elastic bands, gold braids and gauze are all options, according to the photo spread -- you're at the height of fashion!

    muser said...

    I'm with everyone else. The idea of a babysitting club is that you already know everyone involved personally and can trust that when you need someone at the last minute it will be someone you're comfortable with.
    I would definitely say something general to everyone and perhaps suggest a weekend pinic or something where you all have the opportunity to meet the partners etc in a non-confrontational setting.

    Lazy cow said...

    I agree with the above commenters. You have to trust your instincts, and the woman was clearly in the wrong not informing you of her change of plans. It makes my blood boil to think of it!

    shannon said...

    Jeez, I feel bad, I offer my partner up as a babysitter all the time....although I think most ladies in my mothers group prefer him to me anyway.

    In saying that I dont think Id leave Lola with any of their husbands, except the japanese guy who sleeps at all the kids parties, he seems like a hoot.

    Tina O'D said...

    The majority rules on this one. I totally agree, its unsettling enough leaving our children with others without us being traumatised by last minute changes which flow on to our children. I think it should be sorted out, no point having the club and rules ang guidelines, if they are going to be abused and you are going to be apprenhsive about using it again.

    Symone said...

    Your reaction was natural and matched my reaction to the situation. There's no way I'd be leaving my child with someones 'partner' or whoever they may be without having met them previously. The babysitting club is just that, a 'club' with members and unless the partner is a member they really can't be a substitute for the person you thought you were going to have in your home with your child. Different if it was perhaps mothers group and you know them well.

    My float said...

    You are absolutely correct to be cross. I am furious on your behalf.

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