Saturday, July 22, 2006

    I Dream of Trannies ....

    Bad dreams last night - images of me made up to look like "Tootsie" haunted my sleep, and made me toss and turn in horror.

    How did this happen ?

    Well, we went to have some family portraits taken yesterday. A won a free sitting and hair and makeup session at this studio. Normally I don't let anyone do my face, because they always seen to choose strong colours and slather it on, thus matron-ising me beyond my years.
    But y'know, every now and then I think I should release the control-freak reins a little and relax. This was one of those occasions.

    Key words I used to the people in charge:
    'B&W, tasteful, relaxed, natural'

    They made me up like a street-walker.
    "It has to be thick for the cameras" they said.
    Why was I fooled ? I've had B&W photos taken before in my own makeup, and this is bogus.
    Still, I allowed myself to convinced all was ok, and sat and posed and smiled with my family.

    Fast-fwd to viewing the proofs. Ongoing commentary:

    Me: "OMG, I look like Elvira, Princess of Darkness. Is this what I look like, I don't look like that ?!"
    AB: "Maybe it's just the angle"
    Photoman: (comforting laugh) - "You're being a bit harsh on yourself"
    Me: "I look like a Vampire. Here - look at this pic, i'm smiling at my son and it looks like i'm about to draw blood from his neck!"
    { hearty laugh in the background from another guy, obviously he agreed with me }
    AB: "It's not your best look"

    etc, etc.

    So the really good pics were solo ones of my son, or of my son and my husband. That's NOT what we wanted, at $165 a pop. We have a a perfectly good digi-cam at home and I am ALWAYS taking happy pics of these two. What we DON'T have is a pic of the 3 of us, and the ones where I look like a woman dressed as a man trying to look like a woman are definately not acceptable.

    "Aww, they couldn't be that bad" you probably think. Wrong.

    My own husband didn't recognise me .. and when we're taking family shots, and two of the people in the pic have NO makeup, and the other has more than the national average, the contrast is not good. It looks goddamn freaky - hence the Tranny comparison.

    Oh, by the way, I emailled my mum a pic of myself before scrubbing my face, and she replied that I looked older than her, the makeup was really outdated, and what was with my "Cherie Blair" lips ? Lucky for you all that Blogger is having some probs at the moment with pic uploading, not that i'd share my shame anyway - that pic is triple-deleted. Horrid.

    So we're coming back for another sitting, and i'm doing my own makeup.
    Like we really want to do it again.


    margalit said...

    Oh god, this is so horrible but so funny. I don't wear any makeup unless I'm going out formally, and then it's just a teeny bit. I look awful in makeup because I have such light skin and such dark hair and eyes. I look like elvira!

    Lucky they're letting you come back. Hopefully for free.

    Here from Michele

    rashbre said...

    Perhaps it was supposed to be arty? It sound as if it was artless, however.

    Here today via Michele's - Hiya!


    Carmi said...

    I'm sorry I don't live closer: I'd do the B&Ws for you for a lot less, and without the ridiculous makeup.

    A good photographer captures what is, with a minimalist level of intrusion and a photojournalist's desire to simply record reality. I hate "artiste" photogs and their artificial approach to their so-called craft.

    cyndy said...

    Oh that's fuuny...I agree you should do your own makeup/hair for photos so you can look like YOU want yourself to look.
    Hi from Michele

    panthergirl said...

    LOL!!! I did a trannie post (on my regular blog, not the Cyberia one you just visited) this week too!

    Here via michele!

    Jenny said...

    Here via Michele - Hello! This story made me giggle - I've had a few bad makeup/photo run-ins in my day.

    My float said...

    Oh how hilarious! I nearly wept with laughter.

    I'd love to have one of those sessions but baulk at the thought of paying through the nose for the photos.

    Thanks for visiting me today!

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